My liver just broke up with me...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Randomize
