Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
