I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This toilet bowl is my home.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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