At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize