i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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