Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize