I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize