we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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