Jerry, you need to find god
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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