Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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