Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
