two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
