He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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