Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
