i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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