I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
