soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
