I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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