I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
