so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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