Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone came in the potted fern
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
