brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
