he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
