Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
