Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We are all done wearing pants today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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