Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
