Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
