I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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