I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
