just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
