i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize