It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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