Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You made out with two different species that night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
