Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
