If i come over, it means nothing
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's shark week go big or go home
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize