I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
