I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
