When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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