the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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