I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize