Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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