it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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