I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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