Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
