dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
