She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
