I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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