i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
