did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize