I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize