i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
