You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize