Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
