she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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