wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
