well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
