i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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