I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
