at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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