I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
