I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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