i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
