Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize