I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
