dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
