I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
