Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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