I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
