At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
