I think I died a long time ago.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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