I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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