Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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