just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He kissed a someone with a penis
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
