I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
