K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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