I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
