cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
