the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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