I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
love makes seman taste better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
