Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
