Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
