sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
