my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
