We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
