Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just gargled with NyQuil
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
