I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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