I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
