First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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