there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
