Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
