apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
